The weekend... awaits!
I am very excited about the week ahead of me. Starting tomorrow i am off work for the whole weekend and all of next week. I'll be traveling down to Florida and maybe Myrtle Beach. We shall see! Hopefully i get a tan... other wise you might just confuse me with casper.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
That's enough, Nickelback.
I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a girl coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the girl on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image.
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
. Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear get dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Bad decisions make good stories
Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.
When I meet a new guy I'm terrified of mentioning something he hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Mom...what would happen if you ran over a ninja?"
How the hell do I respond to that?
The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
Your mission this week : Drink good wine and then tell me about it
Well, tomorrow morning i am headed out to the historical city of charleston. This weekend i am helping cater for a lovely wedding of about 300 people. Its going to be hot, possibly rainy but fun at the same timeI always enjoy working events or parties... Since i'm such an avid people watcher, its always fun to slip into the background and watch the world. To watch people laugh and conversate about the bride and groom, watch people dance and people drink.
An experience which i look forward to..
(and the money's not too shabby either!)
Theres a Fungus among us
Today has been a long day at work..
The weather here is just annoying.. Its been off and on raining but the heat remains unbearable.. Its in the upper 90's.. we might have even broken 100 this week.. but i'm just ready for fall to be here.. but really...I think i would be content if the weather just made up its mind
hahhah that last one is my favorite
.... such classic photography....
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
It's a perfect moment.
A soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind overcomes her.
Failure teaches us that life is but a draft, a long rehearsal for a show that will never play.
